what happens when you hate your word for the year?

faithhopelife

Sep. 6

At the start of the year, in the throes of goal-setting and vision-boarding, I chose a word for the year. I’d never done so before, but I’d seen many people doing it online and it sounded inspiring. However, as I mused on what my word would be, the one that surfaced displeased me. So, being the adaptable person that I am, I chose two.

I don’t want to assume God was speaking to me, asserting something that can’t be traced back to scripture exactly. I don’t want to over-spiritualize things and attribute things to God that are really just me. However, I do see God’s hand in the process, gently guiding me to a word I didn’t even want. A word that has drawn me back to Him over and over again. Because it keeps pointing me back to God and to scripture, I feel confident in saying that God gave me this word—placing it gently into my reluctant hands and folding my fingers overtop of it, helping me to hold things I wasn’t ready to yet.

Though I chose two words that have in turn proven to be descriptive of my year thus far, the one God gave me has shown up in the peripheries of nearly everything that’s happened. The word that at first seemed so dull and unassuming at the start of the year has marked my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined. In a way (and I do not state this lightly), the word God gave proved prophetic over and over again.

So, what word was I so hesitant to walk into 2024 with you ask? Well, it was steady.

The reason I was so unenthused by the word steady is because it is boring. It’s unglamorous. It’s not exciting. It doesn’t denote any special growth or success. I certainly would not have chosen this word for myself were I trying to impress anybody (which, let’s be real, I tend to do far more often than I’d care to admit).

The word I wanted, the one I wrote defiantly in my journal alongside the word given by God was discover. It’s peppy. It’s adventurous. It’s about broadening your horizons, capabilities, and accomplishments. It’s about seeing new things. Exploring. Becoming something.

In a twist of irony displaying God’s sense of humor, I have discovered something crucial this year—that is, I’ve discovered the steadiness of God in every facet of my life.

Now that I’m typing it out for the first time, I’m seeing my choice of two words in a new light. It is very indicative of my sinful nature. I wasn’t content with what God gave me—it wasn’t bright, new, or flashy enough, so I figured I’d spice it up with my own will and ideas. The word God gave wasn’t enough for me, so I tried to supplement it with what I assumed I wanted or needed.

Isn’t that so like us, though? To try to improve on what God has already given? Always hungry for more, never realizing that the more we truly crave is our Creator? We struggle with being content with what God gives and try to clutch everything in tight fists, holding more than we can possibly bear. We add burdens we cannot carry on our own, burdens that God never intended for us to carry in the first place.

Ever since we got back from Norway, I’ve felt like I’m floundering. I’m struggling to gain purchase on our routines. I can’t seem to stay ahead of my teeming to-do list. And then, last week, when I had extra time off for the long weekend, most of that extra time was eaten up at the hospital. My littlest brother was rushed to the pediatric unit via ambulance for bilateral pneumonia that was stealing his ability to breathe. That night, I was overwhelmed and in tears. For the first time, I came face to face with the potential loss of one of my siblings.

As I cried at the dining room table, unsure what my next move should be, Lars’ playlist, previously unnoticed in the background, changed songs.

You know that moment when you’re not paying attention to something and then all of a sudden it snaps into your mind with perfect clarity and you’re left wondering how you could have tuned it out in the first place? Well, that’s what happened. In the middle of my despair, I could hear the familiar voices of for KING & COUNTRY filling the space.

You're my true north when I'm headed south
My constant solid ground
You are my lantern in the night
When I'm twisted up and shaken
You're the One I put my faith in
Yeah, You're the reason I survive

You keep me steady when the sky is falling
And I'll keep steady after You
I'll carry on when my strength is failing
Take heart 'cause You're with me
So let the stars drop, whatever comes, I'll be ready
You keep me steady
You keep me steady

Right there, in that very moment, my word for the year snapped back into focus. I’d forgotten this song even existed. And somehow, with all the tenderness of a loving father, in the scariest moment of my year, God dropped this song into my lap without any of the pomp or circumstance that I like to accompany my encounters with God. The moment was quiet, unassuming. Lars was sitting beside me at our dining room table, holding my hand as I sobbed. When the song rose to the surface of my consciousness, the shift was tangible.

What a truth to hold on to. God knew exactly what I needed in a word for the year. He knew exactly what I needed to hear in that moment of grief. He knew that I would be obstinate and try to force my own will throughout this year. He knew that I would choose things that weren’t the best. And yet, in His great love and forgiveness, He gently reminded me that He knew what He was doing with my word for the year. I had questioned God, and like Job, I saw that God’s wisdom was above my comprehension. And He revealed this truth to me in gentle kindness.

Isn’t that just like God?

Looking back, I can see His steadiness laced through each moment of 2024. I see His goodness in the quiet moments. I see His steadying presence in the hard things. I see Him in the nights when sleep eludes me. I see Him through the tears that blur my vision. I see His power displayed in the most beautiful sunsets and scenery.

And more than anything, I’m starting to admit how much I need the steadiness God provides.

He is unchanging. He is good. He is faithful. As for KING & COUNTRY so eloquently puts it, steadiness starts with the Father. God is steady always, and because He is steady and reliable, we have something to lean on, to cling tightly to when things get rough. Only from that foundation of steadiness can we keep walking steadily in this chaotic life. Sing it with me, friend: