9 ways to combat your phone addiction
I don’t know about you, but I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with my phone. On the one hand, it is spectacularly useful. It can be used it to stay in touch with friends, learn a new language, or pay the utilities bill. You can listen to music, order a new book, or take pictures. But on the other hand, it can be a major distraction. You can scroll for hours in a mind-numbing, soul-sucking ritual. You can compare yourself to thousands—or millions—of others online. You can spend money at the click of a button ordering things you don’t really want or need.
This double-edged sword takes up a lot of my brain space.
My relationship with my phone causes a lot of guilt. I feel guilty whenever I spend any time on my phone, even if the task I’m doing is good or useful. I think a lot of this guilt stems from the fact that I don’t always have great boundaries with my phone.
It’s difficult to wean myself from the intrusive stream of notifications. It’s difficult to power down when scrolling is so effortless. It’s difficult to choose times to actually be on my phone (because it is useful sometimes). Phones aren’t all bad, though I often demonize mine and heap on the guilt when I spend time on it.
Over the years, however, I have started to pick up some good habits that have helped me in my quest to be present in this digital age. Because phones are such an intrinsic part of life as we know it in the 21st century, I wanted to share some of the lessons I’ve gleaned to bring hope and freedom your way too!
001. Get serious about setting good boundaries with your phone
It doesn’t help if you aren’t willing to recognize your phone addiction for what it is. For years, I’ve said that I want to have better phone boundaries and be more intentional instead of reactive. However, saying something and actually doing it are two very different things.
The very first time I looked at my screen time stats in my phone settings, I was horrified. I was 19 years old and spending up to four hours a day on my phone. At the time, I got drastic. I deleted all social media and any “fun” apps from my phone. I started leaving my phone at home when I’d go out. But these radical methods were short-lived. While I didn’t return to social media for years, I quickly found other apps to fill the void and continued in my downward spiral of screen time. Sure, the screen time was less, but I still felt like I was spending too much time on my phone and hated myself for it.
Any meaningful change usually starts with awareness, so if you want to have a better relationship with your phone, begin by checking your daily screen time in your phone settings. Once you realize how much time you’re spending on your phone, I’m sure you’ll want to make a change. But you have to start with recognizing it for what it is and deciding that you truly want to do whatever it takes to make a change.
002. Ask yourself what you would do if you had more time in your week
Chances are, you don’t want to spend as much time on your phone as you do. Chances are, you have big dreams and goals with how you’ll spend your life. Chances are, you like doing real, tangible things like reading, sewing, spending time with friends, or cooking. Maybe you have a hobby you haven’t touched in years. Maybe you want to pick up a hobby but don’t think you have time. Maybe you just want some extra time to rest.
Annie Dillard writes that “how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” I don’t think anyone sets out to spend their life on their device, but the day-to-day pickup-putdown of our phones happens so constantly that it feels like all there is.
What would you do if you had more time in your week? Would you host a book club? Would you try more new recipes? Would you write a book? Learn Morse code? Volunteer in your community? Plant a garden? Crochet a sweater? Whatever your dream is, replace the time you spend scrolling on your phone with time spent working towards that goal.
Turn off your phone for an hour each day—or half an hour, if that’s all you have time for—and work towards the things you truly want to be doing. It doesn’t have to be a lot of time for it to be good. Remember, small progress adds up!
003. Identify what triggers you to waste time on your phone
For me, I often turn to my phone when I’m feeling overwhelmed or exhausted. It can be somewhat of a coping mechanism when I want to numb myself to uncomfortable emotions. Sometimes I use it to procrastinate. I remember one particular day when our house was in shambles and we had guests coming that evening. Instead of cleaning, I spent time scrolling on my phone, overwhelmed with all that had to be done. I didn’t leave myself enough time to clean the house, which stressed me more. It became a vicious cycle. Most of the time, I don’t truly want to be spending time on my phone, but I’m using it to avoid something else.
Once you identify what triggers you to waste time on your phone, set better boundaries. Only allow yourself to check your email once per day (The Minimalist Phone app is super helpful for this, because you can block an app for 24-hour periods to force yourself to stay accountable).
And, hey, friend, for the most part, the best and quickest way to stay in touch with someone is via phone call! I’ve started using my apps for a set time, usually lunchtime or when I get home from work. After I’ve caught up on emails, messages, and notifications, I block these apps for 24-hours to prevent myself from obsessively refreshing, waiting for something new to appear. Intermittent reinforcement is the most addictive kind. It’s what keeps gamblers losing money to slot machines. In the same way, intermittent reinforcement in the form of notifications keeps you on your phone, just waiting for something to happen. Beat the psychology at its own game by blocking the apps entirely so you can’t refresh endlessly. It is well worth the inconvenience.
004. Download the Forest app and Minimalist Phone
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Forest and Minimalist Phone have helped me SO MUCH in my relationship with my phone! I love both of these apps for different reasons, allow me to share why.
The Forest app
The Forest app is useful for short bursts of focused work. You start by curating your personal allow list, which blocks certain apps for a specified time period. Then, you plant a tree and get to work.
Pros: You can block apps for up to three hours, it provides you with a breakdown of how much time you’ve spent focusing (who doesn’t love a good tracker!?), and it turns the challenge of staying off your phone into a game. If you try to use any forbidden apps while a tree is planted, you will be booted out of that app. Plus, the pro version is not a subscription, it’s a one-time fee!
Cons: There is a small fee to use the app (under $5), you are limited to blocking apps for only three hours, and it’s easy to cheat if you’re willing to kill your tree.
The Minimalist Phone operating system
Minimalist Phone changes the way your phone looks. It changes the home screen to black, and all apps are reduced to words on your screen to minimize their appeal. You can block apps for up to 30 days at a time, and it is significantly harder to unblock them than with Forest. Minimalist Phone also enables you to choose how long you want to spend on any given app and will notify you when you’ve gone over your budgeted time.
Pros: You can block apps for up to 30 days, your phone has less visual appeal, and you can setup reminders to stop using an app when you’ve spent too much time on it.
Cons: There is a fee to use it ($30), however it is not a subscription, which is nice. It’s easy to ignore the reminders to stop using an app unless you’ve blocked it.
If you were to commit to only buying one of these apps, I would recommend the Minimalist Phone because the blocking system is SO helpful. But really, for the amount of time you’ll save and for the benefit of being more present in your life, I believe that both of these apps are worth the price you pay initially.
005. Read Hannah Brencher’s The Unplugged Hours
Oh. My. Goodness. This book is phenomenal. I read a digital copy of this book at the end of August as part of Brencher’s launch team, and WOW! Everyone who struggles to find balance with their phone should read this book. It is filled with practical tips, wisdom, and encouragement. As Hannah herself puts it, she’s not advocating for quitting phones cold turkey, but rather for finding balance and cultivating a healthy relationship with your phone. The message in this book was exactly what I needed to hear.
It’s a short read. It’s an easy read. It is well worth your time, even if you don’t consider yourself a reader. So what are you waiting for!? Get your copy today!
006. Plug your phone in outside your bedroom
I’m going to be honest with you: I have seen this recommended on countless blogs, books, and magazine articles. I thought people were exaggerating. How much better can it really be to plug your phone in outside of your room? Plus, I kind of liked checking my phone first thing in the morning. Every day, I would turn off my alarm and crawl back into bed to read my notifications and check social media. Often, I would spend upwards of twenty minutes with this devastating wake-up routine. It never made me feel better. I usually felt more rushed and harried whenever I did this. Regardless, I chalked it all up to exhaustion and continued with this habit.
In July of this year, I found an alarm clock in our bedside table and decided that I wanted to try plugging in my phone in the kitchen just to see what would happen.
Friend, I am never going back.
I can’t even begin to tell you how much this simple action has bettered my morning routine. It’s so much easier not to check your phone in the morning when your phone isn’t easily accessible. The first thing I do is no longer touching my phone to turn off my alarm. Now, I turn off my alarm clock, stretch, and walk into the day. Granted, I have only been doing this for a few months so I haven’t sustained this rhythm to determine whether or not it’s the best. But, the results so far are incredible. I would highly recommend it!
007. Commit to a regular phone detox
Or even just a social media break.
This past summer, I deleted my social media apps from my phone. The one I consistently got stuck on was Instagram, so I had Lars change my password and took a break for the season. Some apps I allowed myself to use on my laptop. Others, I would delete for weeks on end. But the key here was allowing myself the space to recharge without these apps to distract me.
Sometimes, you have to get extreme. One of my favorite authors, Ashlee Gadd, takes regular weeklong breaks from social media, and this is a habit I am going to implement now that I’m back on social media for the academic year. It really, truly helps if you’re willing to make the hard choice to stick with it.
008. Turn off (most of) your notifications
Let’s be real: you don’t need to address most of the notifications you receive the moment you receive them. All that constant notification noise is doing is breaking your focus and pulling you out of the moment. Turn off your notifications and see what happens!
You can make your settings so that you only receive certain notifications from certain individuals. And I get it—some notifications are actually necessary in the moment. My youngest brother was hospitalized at the end of August with bilateral pneumonia, so I had my notifications turned up at that time. There are extenuating circumstances sometimes, so being legalistic about turning them off is not going to help anyone. However, you can turn off notifications for things like Instagram likes or comments, or even messages from acquaintances. Try it! It’s so liberating to avoid the constant pinging of your phone impinging on your day.
009. Get together with friends
Many of my favorite memories are ones where I was so involved in the moment that I forgot to take out my phone to record it. Kayaking with a girlfriend. Watching a sunset with Lars. Eating s’mores around a fire with friends. Each of these moments was full—so full that I forgot about the endless stream of notifications waiting on my phone. I forgot to check.
I think one of the best antidotes to spending time on your phone is spending time with the people you love. Nearly all of the times I’ve forgotten about my phone have involved other people. Get together with your friends and do something. Play volleyball. Go skating. Build a puzzle. Listen to an audiobook. Be fully present for a conversation. Activity beats apathy any day!
I love learning… share with me what things you have found helpful for reducing screentime!
