here in the love of Christ I stand
// My Comforter, my All in All. Here in the love of Christ I stand //
One thing that I desperately seek to avoid in my writing is writing simply to fulfill a quota. I never want my compositions to get to the point of becoming a drudgery. I don’t want to merely show up to write enough words to hit publish to reach my goal of a weekly blog post.
However, this essay was a slog to start on. I’ve been staring at the title in my drafts for far too long, wishing it would just go away. This topic is tricky for me because it’s a concept I understand mainly in terms of logic—I struggle with the experiential aspect of God’s love.
Yes, I know God loves me. Yes, I know He sent His only Son to live, die, and rise again on my behalf so I could have a relationship with my holy God. Yes, I know that I cannot earn His love through anything I do. But with all that knowing, there’s a bit of a disconnect. Sometimes I catch myself wondering does God really love me?
I was listening to Romans on my way to work this week and was struck by a passage I’ve never really noticed before. Paul addresses who is to be called God’s children, and he recollects the story of Isaac, saying,
“When he married Rebekah, she gave birth to twins. But before they were born, before they had done anything good or bad, she received a message from God. (This message shows that God chooses people according to His own purposes; He calls people, but not according to their good or bad works)…”
I’m sorry, what?
Did you catch that?
God calls people, but not according to their good or bad works. It’s not something we can choose or earn.
In other words, it’s a free gift. It’s offered to those who don’t deserve it. Even the phrase “free gift” is redundant, because both words essentially mean the same thing. Only we humans would need to hear the words “free gift” to remind ourselves that it’s something we receive for free, apart from our worthiness or deserving.
Doesn’t this concept contradict everything our culture stands for? Our society demands that we be given our dues, to receive the rewards of our labor. It’s all about fairness and equality and making our own way. God’s kingdom doesn’t work that way. We want to overcomplicate things and make it about us and our personal merit, but friend, how freeing that it is not based on that!
Here in the love of Christ, I stand.
Standing in the love of Christ is an identity shift. It transforms the way you think, behave, and ultimately live your life. It involves a realization that no matter what you’ve done, you can be redeemed. It requires an admission of helplessness—God, I can’t do this on my own. I need you. It necessitates recognizing God as your highest good.
Standing in the love of Christ is powerful because God’s love transcends your situation. His love isn’t based on your performance, capabilities, or your pedigree. He isn’t waiting for you to get things right, to be a well-rounded individual who says and does the right things. He is waiting for you, like the father in the story of the prodigal son. He waits at the end of a dusty driveway, longing for you to come home. Right now, just as you are.
This truth is hard to grasp because God is good and holy and He cannot take part in sin. Where does justice fit into the equation? How can we stand in the love of Christ when we have done so many things contrary to God? How can we come just as we are when we are not worthy in and of ourselves?
Anne Lamott writes,
“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace—only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us. I can be received gladly or grudgingly, in big gulps or in tiny tastes, like a deer at the salt.”
Standing in the love of Christ is always about God’s goodness, not your own. But God is not finished with you yet. You may feel hopeless, irredeemable, or lost, but God specializes in impossibilities. He can transform even the most hardened criminal who turns to Him.
Here in the love of Christ, I stand.
I have experienced God’s transformative love in my life. I know I said that I sometimes struggle with the experiential aspect of God’s love, and that is very true. All of my life I have felt this need to earn favor and approval from God and others. But that is not to say that I haven’t also seen the goodness of God at work in my own life.
I was a very angry child. As the oldest in my family, I was the guinea pig, and a very obstinate, self-willed guinea pig at that. I frustrated my parents to no end, resulting in explosive blowouts of anger. I quickly learned that the only person I could trust was myself.
The situation came to a head when I reached my teen years and rebelled more loudly against my parents. I hated being at home, so I would spend as much time as possible away from my family. I lived to escape—through books, movies, and hanging out with friends—my entire existence revolved around trying to numb my pain. I hated that I was so angry all the time. I hated that I felt helpless. I hated myself.
I longed to be loved. This isn’t to say that I wasn’t loved, but that I didn’t notice or feel it at the time. I looked for different ways to fill this void in my life, which resulted in sexual abuse that tore apart any remaining tatters of trust I may have had. I prayed every day that I would die. I began cutting. I felt so confused and lonely.
My mum didn’t know how to reach me in that place, so she sent me to a local camp to work for the summer.
And that’s when I finally turned to God.
But here’s the thing: God didn’t start loving me when I recognized that I needed Him. He loved me the entire time. He loved me before I was even born. He loved me enough to send His only Son to die for me, some 2,000 years ago. And the same holds true for you.
I can very truthfully say to you now that I don’t stand in the love of Christ because it’s the “Christian thing to do.” I stand in the love of Christ today because of the goodness of God and because of my desperate need. God has changed my life entirely. And He can do the same for you!
Sometimes I stand in the love of Christ on shaky legs. Sometimes I stand with confidence and excitement. Sometimes I kneel, tears streaming down my face. But always held and kept by the One who holds the universe together.
There is not a moment of your life that God does not love you. You are never disqualified from His love. Because Jesus has already paid the price for your wrongdoing and God sees you as flawless, beautiful, and without fault.
So let us stand, friend, here, in the love of Christ, that has never wavered for a moment. But fair warning: this love will change your life if you let it.
