Fix Your Mind
By Kristine Amundrud
It was mid-February and I was fighting the seasonal doldrums. Desperate for a refresh, I knew I needed renewing. Struggling on the hamster wheel of life, I was doing little to fortify myself. A lonely spirit lacking time in God’s presence doesn’t necessarily deter any roaring lions. Stuck in the natural world, we fall prey to negative spiraling thoughts.
One particular day, I peeled out of the driveway, proud of how well I’d organized all the details of our family’s busy afternoon. With no time to spare, we stopped at the library to return books that were due. I opened the car trunk and discovered my travel mug of tea had spilled in the bin containing books. Not one thirsty title had escaped the aromatic soak, each storybook masquerading as the perfect sponge. Constantly holding myself to a high standard, I was crushed by this minor event. It was loud and blaring evidence of my imperfections. My heart sank like the Titanic, only quicker, dragging my thoughts down with it. How am I going to explain this? You are such an idiot, rang in my ears. A pretty costly mistake! There goes my mad money for the month! Let’s see what else goes wrong today! The weight of disappointment went beyond the obvious damage done. I felt it in my little girl heart, a familiar attack on my identity and worth.
Our minds are one of the most incredible aspects of creation, rivaling any super-computer or Artificial Intelligence. Unreliable, two-faced, critical, and oft times dark, thoughts are not always God-honoring. They have the power to keep us in fixed mindsets, unable to move forward. The negative convictions grab hold like a noxious burr, refusing to let go.
It takes time to get to the root of where our thinking is askew. If I believe I’m a disappointment, I’m less likely to pursue a dream. Thinking I’ll never end up running that half marathon, I’m content to sleep in and eat the extra piece of pie. In believing lies, they become self-fulfilling prophesies. We adopt them as fact and in no time, there’s a feeling attached. Think of your feelings as a “check engine light.” Are you going to serve them? Cater to them? Indulge them? Thoughts left unchecked have the power to catapult us into a messy pile of emotion.
For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. 2 Cor 10:3 [ESV]
As Christians, we are called to discern truth from lies. For years, I’ve battled the deceitful lie that I am a disappointment to others. This mistruth bleeds into every relationship, feeding on insecurities, no matter what demeanor I present on the outside. My people-pleaser self shakes it off, only to have the deception creep up on me again when I least suspect it.
I failed to send my mom a birthday card. I’ve tried, but for those of us with a mother wound, Hallmark just doesn’t “get it”. Little Kristine hears disapproving voices in her head and gives up before even trying. “This estrangement thing is all your fault. One day, your kids will cut you off too.”
In a moment of parenting overwhelm, I raised my voice, causing tears.
Younger Kristine travels to a place of despondency. “Why can’t you get it right? You should be better at this by now!”
Complaining to my husband about a task he could have performed better, I experience deep regret. “You don’t even deserve this guy. What did he ever see in you?”
Sound familiar? What falsities are you meditating on? The lies become so engrained, that we open the door to our psyche before they even knock. We welcome them in to take up space and have a seat. Without the lens through which God sees us, our narrative is disparaging. Seeing yourself the way God sees you is all about proximity. Get closer and look into his eyes. Do you see your own reflection? He longs to speak truth into you, beckoning you out of dark places.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” [Romans 12:2]
Pastor and author, Craig Groeschel once said that “most of life’s battles are won or lost in the mind.” We either wake up and wage war or we go to sleep in the battle. Take heart! The God of the universe designed our minds to change when we are intentionally focused. It is possible to rewire our neural pathways!
Prayerfully try putting the following list into practice, pursuing God each step of the way. Aim for perseverance over perfection. I’m praying for you!
1) Observe a Thought
Take inventory. With help from the Holy Spirit, discern foolish thoughts from wisdom. This is difficult because if you believe a lie, you’ve convinced yourself it is true. With the help of God’s word, approach thoughts with skepticism.
2) Look for Evidence
Exchange the old thought with a truth. Ask the Holy Spirit for a new thought! He’ll give it to you! Ask for patience and prayer as you lean into the transformative task. Memorize Philippians 4:8 and speak it aloud.
3) Exercise your mind
Create new pathways in your thinking! In a world of mindless scrolling, we are accustomed to tuning out. Storms of fearful and worry-drenched thoughts steal our joy and peace. Practice preaching the truth to yourself – write it out, and declare it confidently! Decide your new thought and live it out. To exercise your mind, here are some things to try:
Listen to music rooted in scripture. Belt it out!
Practice gratitude and make a list of gifts received.
Memorize scripture.
My library account was a depressing mess of amounts owing. Patron has outstanding fines flashed in neon lights, resulting in a frozen account. Each week, with a blank cheque in hand, I kept showing up at the circulation desk. It’ll be so great to have this behind me! And each week I was turned away, as other libraries in the branch took time to tally the total owing. Wiping the slate clean and starting over was key to me moving on. Can we just forget this ever happened?
Too often we want to run from the very work God is asking us to do. He was asking me to sit in the waiting room with him, the place void of a quick erase or redo. The lessons God wants to teach us are seldom quick, or found in perfectly wrapped boxes.
Dear friend, look for the countless moments throughout the day for God to speak love over you. Stay alert for opportunities to practice speaking biblical truth over yourself. I’m not a disappointment. I’m fearfully and wonderfully made! Whatever lie wedged its way into your heart doesn’t belong!
What are the words God longs to speak into you, over you today? Lean in and ask. You were never a disappointment. Repeat after me, God whispers. My prayer is that the process will become habitual, the eventual reward being a mind joyfully fixed on our redeeming Savior.
KRISTINE AMUNDRUD is a wife and homeschool mom to three kids. In the busy day to day, she’s pursued healing through story work and writing. Kristine hopes you will find traces of God’s immeasurable goodness in the words she shares. She finds joy creating in the kitchen, walking alongside her husband, adventuring in the Canadian Rockies, and cuddling up with her children and a good storybook. She loves friendships that go beneath the surface. Connect with her on Instagram @kamundrud.
