when contentment feels too hard
You’ve heard of the four horsemen of the apocalypse, now get ready for the 3 Cs of my life struggle! They’re all pretty interconnected and work in tandem to keep me self-focused and miserable as much as possible. The 3 Cs I struggle with are comparison, conceit, and contentment. I’ve already written on comparison, and because I rediscovered a quote about contentment this week, that’s what I’m tackling next!
Contentment is tricky. I guess it probably doesn’t have to be, but constant improvement is a strong motivator for me. I like to achieve. I’m ambitious. I like to move on to the next thing and try to get to the next point in my life. However, because this is a continual process, I often end up discontented with where I’m at, wanting to be at the next stage before its time. I’m not good at slowing down and enjoying the various seasons of life as I try to rush through and get to the next chapter, achievement, or big milestone. What is up with that!?
I felt this very acutely when Lars and I were working on our house. At the time, Lars had just bought a cute little fixer-upper that needed A LOT of work. There was carpet everywhere. And I’m not just talking about the floors. There was a mustard yellow shag carpet on the walls of the basement landing. We had carpets on dusty, aged carpets, on even more carpets. Oh, and the kitchen floor? Also carpeted.
With so much work to be done, we bought some paint and some flooring and got to work. As we started painting our living room, I found myself rushing. I wanted to get through this so we could put the flooring in so we could buy some furniture so we could… the list kept going on. I found myself feeling stressed and tense about the renovations because I wanted it to be done already. I didn’t want to take the time to make it look nice because I wanted it to look nice now.
My mother-in-law, Pat, was helping us paint. As we painted, I told her how I felt and that I wanted it all to be perfect right away. I explained that I was starting to feel overwhelmed with the sheer amount of work that needed to be done. I asked her how she copes with all of it because she is an avid DIY-er and home reno expert. She said, “Oh, this is my favorite part! I love making things look better than they did before. I enjoy the process.”
I enjoy the process.
Her words echo in my head whenever I see something in our house that needs to be fixed. Sometimes even when I’m thinking about my life and where I want to be or what I want to do, I think of this simple phrase. I enjoy the process.
Usually, I’m so hyper-fixated on the results that I miss out on the joy of creating, fixing, or improving something. We had so many good moments during the initial renovation when I finally stopped to notice them. My sisters came to help install our living room floor. My family came over for pizza one night after a long reno day. My mother-in-law put in so much time to help us paint. Working towards something with others can be so much fun!
These photos are pretty low quality, but I’m learning to be okay with the passageways, the messy, and the process!
I don’t mean to sound glib. I know what it’s like to struggle with contentment. I know what it’s like to long for the next season in your life, to wish to be done with the interminable waiting. I know what it’s like to feel the pull of comparison as you pit your life against that of a friend and come away feeling like you got the short end of the stick. I know what it’s like to want things to be different than they are.
But that’s not all I know, either. I know a God who meets me in my need. I know a God who listens when I speak. I know a God who bears with me in the waiting. I know a God who shows up in the most mundane of moments with a reminder that He loves me.
One of my goals this year was to make the things I’d saved on Pinterest instead of just compiling ideas that never get anywhere. As I scrolled through searching for my next project, I found a quote I’d pinned a while ago on the topic of contentment. It reads,
“Contentment celebrates grace. The contented heart is satisfied with the Giver and is therefore freed from craving the next gift.”
—Paul David Tripp, New Morning Mercies
Go back and read that again, slowly. What a glorious thought—you have all that you need. There is enough for you.
When I first read that quote this week, I quickly scribbled it down on a scrap of paper. I carried it with me throughout my day. I plastered a copy of it to my corkboard at work. I wrote it down in my journal. The beautiful simplicity of it astonishes me.
Instead of bemoaning where my life is at, I can delight in the God who cares for me. Instead of asking God for more, I can satisfy my soul by gazing at His infinite beauty. Instead of seeking His hands and what He can do for me, I can seek His face and recall His goodness in my life. He is faithful.
Enjoy the process.
All of the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies (Psalm 25:10). No matter what path you find yourself on today, rest assured that He loves you with steadfast love and He is faithful. Wherever you are, God is with you. Wherever you are, you are loved. Wherever you are, God is faithful. Even when it doesn’t appear so. Dare I say especially when it doesn’t appear so?
Contentment isn’t giving up on your hopes and dreams. It’s not throwing away your ambition and coasting through life with resigned ambivalence. However, contentment equips you for the in-betweens—the not yets and the confusion—by fixing your eyes on Christ. If God is all you have, you have all that you need.
As someone with great ambition, goals, and hopes for the future, I find this kind of radical contentment hard. But oh, so liberating when I truly grasp it. If God gives me readers for my blog, a lovely garden, connection within my community, or even the means to travel, great! But if not, I still have God. I am freed from the insatiable craving for more when I become enamored with my God. When love for my Savior crowds out my longing for “stuff.”
Seeking the Lord for who He is instead of what He can do for you is transformational. You can release your fears, your endless striving, and the outcomes into the gentle hands of your Savior. They are not your burdens to carry. In Christ Alone says it well with the lyrics,
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
Stick these words on a prominent place in your home so you can be reminded of them often. Write out Psalm 23. Listen to In Christ Alone. Contentment doesn’t have to be some elusive, foggy concept. It can be right here, knee-deep in whatever situation you find yourself.
Because wherever you are, there He is also.
