trying to fix your life? read this.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve been a goal-setter. I like to achieve things. I live for the high of crossing things off my to-do list. I am always trying to improve, to be better, to do better.

I’ve listened to podcasts, read books, and found inspiring quotes on Pinterest. I like systems, organization, and compartmentalizing my life into tidy little boxes. Maybe you’re the same—you are always on the hunt for that “thing” that will change your life. Maybe it’s a new workout regime. Maybe it’s meal-prepping. Maybe it’s implementing a no-spend month. Maybe it’s reading one specific book. Whatever it is, you’re seeking that “missing element” that will revolutionize your life.

Last week, I was sitting in my corner chair, sun splashing on my face, typing like my life depended on it. I was trying to batch produce blog posts so I’d have some on hand when I need them. I remember feeling overwhelmed. I had a very long list and not so long to do it in. I thought to myself, “if only I had a better system then things would work out.”

Friend, if you’re anything like this, I commiserate with you. Sometimes it gets exhausting trying to fix every last piece of yourself. I get that. I’m always trying to improve my systems, to better my rhythms and routines so that everything will go smoothly and my life will finally feel “put together.”

Right after I had that thought, another popped unbidden into my mind. You can’t optimize everything.

You can’t optimize everything.

I was stunned. What did that even mean? Could I live with that? A half-messy, half-organized life? Is that even what an un-optimized life means?

I realized that in trying to systematize my life, I was really only trying to control it. There’s nothing wrong with systems, projects, and self-improvement projects, but when you start to view yourself as nothing more than a project or something to be fixed, you start to run into dead ends.

You are so much more than a productivity machine. You are so much more than just a to-do list. You are so much more than trying to wrestle yourself into a success.

Over the years, my definition of success has shifted.

I used to believe that success meant having a big, fancy house, a huge bank account, and a promising career. To me, success looked like celebrity—everyone looking up to you, following you, and being excited about your ideas and accomplishments.

My life couldn’t look any different from what I once believed success to be. Lars and I live in a cozy home, which translates to very small in real-estate jargon. Our bank account? Middle class at best. As for a promising career, I am currently at a loss for what I want to do, so I work an office job that offers zero recognition. And I certainly don’t have any level of fame.

If my current lifestyle looks so different from my former definition of success, you’d think I would be a discouraged mess. And don’t get me wrong—sometimes, I am. It’s hard not knowing what to throw your time, energy, and life into pursuing. However, the “rich-and-famous” definition no longer fits what I believe about success.

“It’s more important to learn how to pivot than how to plan.”

Success is more about learning than perfecting. It’s more about people than about projects. It’s more about roots than it is about newness. In one of my Psych classes, one of my professors shared that “it’s more important to learn how to pivot than how to plan.” I think that about sums up the issue with trying to optimize your life—there will always be something new, something unexpected, that pops up and derails your carefully laid plans.

That optimization I was pursuing only left me feeling hollow and less-than. I could never keep up with my ever-growing list of aspirations. You might be familiar with this litany of thoughts: write a book, but also don’t forget to brush your teeth and be fully present in every moment. If you want to be healthy, you have to run a marathon every day, drink copious amounts of green juice, and make sure you get your beauty sleep! Spend less time on your phone. But also stay connected with all your friends. Keep your house clean. Implement a new system that ensures you’re making the most of every moment.

It’s never enough. Optimization is a beast that is never satisfied. The very definition is to “make the best or most effective use of a situation, opportunity, or resource.” And that honestly can’t happen all the time. Sometimes, you are sick. Sometimes you are tired. Sometimes unexpected things arise, like job loss, an accident, or your dishwasher breaking down. If your goal is to find systems to optimize every moment of your life, you will be left only with discouragement and a to-do list that hangs over your head like a noose.

if you’re adding system after system to your already overcluttered life, maybe it’s time to take a step back.

If you are trying to find better systems to make it easier to do the things you want to do, I applaud you! I love finding new ways to do things that make my life healthier. But if you’re adding system after system to your already overcluttered life, feeling more overwhelmed by the minute, maybe it’s time to take a step back. Maybe it’s time to take a look at the things that are really important to you and focus on those. For me, this includes time spent with God, reading the Bible and praying, spending time with my family, moving my body, eating healthy meals, reducing time spent on my phone, and getting to bed on time.

Dear friend, you are so much more than what you can and do accomplish. You are so much more than something broken that needs fixing. You can’t optimize your life. However, that thought should fill you with peace rather than dread.

You can’t optimize your life, but you can live in a way that blesses God, yourself, and others. You don’t have to have a perfect system to have a good life, and that, I think, is the best thing of all.