the matter of mattering

I've been wrestling with this desire to matter to others lately. For my words to have an impact. For my interactions with others to bless them. For the need to feel important. For the desire to be recognized for my efforts.

I realized this poignantly when I was organizing and planning our youth retreat. I love the process of arranging everything, preparing treat bags, spreadsheets, and lists and just making things work. I threw myself into the planning wholeheartedly, with the process spanning over several weeks.

When the time came for us to hold the retreat, I was so excited to see all the planning come to fruition. I couldn’t wait to hang out with our youth kids and play games, eat fun food, and have meaningful chats.

However, much to my surprise, I felt very discouraged during the weekend. I felt invisible and like my efforts were unnoticed and unimportant. I had made sacrifices to get to this point, and I felt very empty and confused. It was weird for me because, in the middle of these feelings of confusion and despair, I was also delighted as I witnessed our youth kids share their hearts and have fun with us.

Lars and I debriefed in the car on the way home from camp. After many tears, I realized that I wanted to be recognized for my efforts. I wanted to receive the admiration and applause of the retreat attendees. I wanted others to notice the sacrifices, the preparations, and the sheer amount of effort I had put into the event. I wanted to feel important and valuable.

Isn’t it funny how lies seep into our thinking without any effort on our part?

Lies like you can’t measure up.

You don’t matter unless others say so.

Your efforts are in vain.

You are not important.

Your sacrifices are useless unless they are noticed.

Your worth is a direct byproduct of what you accomplish.

You and I are hardwired to need community and involvement in the lives of others. You need encouragement. You thrive when others notice you and affirm you. You and I work better in tandem. Isolation destroys your mental health and sanity.

However, no human can ever fully satisfy this longing to be known and to matter. To be truly noticed for the things that actually make a difference.

If you scrutinize my experience at the youth retreat, you’ll realize that my motivation for sacrificing and serving was not generous and kind. It was self-seeking. I wanted to earn love and acceptance by curating an enjoyable experience for our youth. I wanted the other youth leaders to recognize me as a valuable asset to the team through my contributions. Essentially, my heart was crying out “See?! I have what it takes. I deserve love because I can do all these things.”

I am not saying that serving others is a bad thing. I’m not even saying that wanting your efforts to be noticed is a bad thing. The reason that I was struggling so much is because I had equated my value with my performance and now instead of merely wanting others to notice my contributions, it was a matter of needing them to notice as a method of validation. Recognition had become my measuring stick for determining whether or not I had value, and when you’re operating from this standpoint that you have to prove your value, you’ll quickly fall into the pit of self-centeredness, self-loathing, or despair.

Friend, you matter.

Your efforts matter.

But not because I say so. Not because someone finally recognizes how much effort you’ve been putting in and pats you on the back for it. Not because some BuzzFeed quiz informs you that Hey! You’re A Good Person!

You matter because God has chosen you.

You are not a mistake. You are not an accident. You are more—so much more—than even you realize.

If I could hold your downcast face between my palms, look into your tear-filled eyes, and share anything with you, it would be this: you are loved. You are seen. You are noticed. You matter.

Jesus certainly thought so. He was willing to give up the joys of heaven in exchange for the anguish of living in this weary world. For you.

He was willing to die a painful and shameful death on the cross. For you.

He rose again from the grave, conquering sin and death once and for all. For you.

And if you matter enough to Him to go through all that pain and suffering, don’t you think that your little life, with all its quirks, foibles, and hard-won efforts, matters to God, too?

There will be times when you make sacrifices that feel invisible. There will be times when you are not recognized for your valuable contributions. There will be times when you feel completely unseen. There will be times when you create something beautiful that no one seems to care about. That’s what happens when you live in a world of distraction, selfishness, and plain old overwhelm and burnout.

But don't stop there.

It still matters. It matters to God.

He sees it all, and He is absolutely delighted to see you using the gifts and talents He’s given you. He thinks your projects are valuable. He loves to see glimpses of you in the art you create. He adores your enthusiasm when woodcarving or hanging out with youth. He is pleased when you are going completely gaga over balancing your cheque book. He is just as excited as you when you write the perfect sentence for your novel and can’t stop thinking about it.

He designed you on purpose and He loves to see you enjoying and stewarding the gifts He’s given to you.

Create beautiful things that you care about. Create beautiful things for the singular audience of God. Create beautiful things, not just for yourself, but as a tribute to the One who created you perfectly. As a gift for Him.

For an audience of One.

And hey, if you've been wrestling with feeling unimportant or falling short of what you wish you could be, take heart! God delights in every detail of your life, and you don't have to earn your way into His favor. You already matter to Him. He already notices all the things you wish others would.

You already matter to God. You don’t have to prove yourself through your achievements. You are seen, you are known, and you are loved. Forever and always.