something bizarre I’ve noticed about comparison
If you’ve hung around with me in this space for awhile, you know that I’m all about transparency regarding comparison. It’s a very real struggle. It’s something I’m trying to remove from my default response list. If only it were as easy as going into your personality settings and hitting the delete key with a fervor that would rival a NASCAR racer!
In all my thinking about comparison and considering how to eliminate it from my repertoire (at least, the unhealthy kind of comparison!), I noticed something odd.
Usually, my comparison happens on social media. I’ll be peacefully minding my own business (hmm, maybe not?) looking at others’ posts (scratch the minding my own business part, clearly I’m not doing that) when it will hit me like a truck speeding down the freeway: I haven’t done that. I’m not there yet. I haven’t accomplished anything, ever. What’s wrong with me?!
Comparison is sneaky because it centers the focus squarely on me, myself, and I.
The other day, I was catching up on a friend’s posts. She has spent the last few years travelling the world and takes breathtaking photos in each location. As I scrolled through her feed, a growing sense of discontentment was brewing inside of me. Comparison started whispering in my ear—her life is so much better than yours. You’re never going to do even half of the things that she is doing. You’ll never amount to anything.
Comparison is sneaky because it centers the focus squarely on me, myself, and I. And I’m more than okay with letting it rest there because I like me. I like making myself look good. I like being important and mattering. And that’s exactly the problem here. Comparison results in tunnel vision that telescopically hones in on ourselves.
My friend’s travel photos are awesome. It is incredible to conceive of going to as many countries as she’s visited. Some of the things she’s done are wild and I really would like to take off and explore the world as she’s done. However, here’s the thing about comparison: it doesn’t differentiate between the life you want and the life you perceive as being valuable. Allow me to explain.
For most of my life, I haven’t really known what it is that I wanted. I was quick to latch onto anything and everything that other people expressed admiration for. If someone said that they liked a certain kind of activity or wanted a certain kind of career, I decided that was for me. It wasn’t until recently, when I decided to go for my bachelor’s in Psychology that I started deciphering what I truly want my life to be about.
Here’s the deal: there are more options open to us today than ever before. You can be most anything you want to be. You can be an actor, a pilot, or a personal trainer. You can travel the world. You can get a PhD in forensic psychology. You can fill your life with activities and experiences that are wild, strange, or extravagant. There aren’t a lot of limitations. And because there are so many options, deciding what you want to invest your time and energy in can be a lot of work. When you see others succeeding in their sphere of influence, it’s easy to think maybe that’s what I’m supposed to be doing! You compare your own limited, hardwon success with that of a friend to whom winning seems to come easy. And you always seem to be left lacking in some way. At least, that’s how my comparison usually goes.
But in the middle of my comparison, I forgot that that’s not the kind of life I actually even want.
But here’s what I’ve noticed: comparison often doesn’t make sense. It’s bizarre, but we’re often comparing ourselves to a life we don’t truly want in the first place! Circling back to the scenario with my traveling friend: her life is cool and by all accounts, she is totally thriving. It looks like a super fun lifestyle to live. But in the middle of my comparison, I forgot that that’s not the kind of life I actually even want. Comparison tries to sell us the lie that our life isn’t enough. That we’re not enough. That what God has given us isn’t enough. We become dissatisfied with things that were once what we wanted most in all the world. Comparison tricks us into believing that we need more to be happy. I’m so glad to tell you that this is a bald-faced lie.
We become dissatisfied with things that were once what we wanted most in all the world.
Travelling is very cool and I do love to travel. I think my friend is having the adventure of a lifetime and I couldn’t be happier for her! But in reality, I don’t want the kind of nomadic lifestyle my friend leads. I want to grow deep roots in my little community. I want to invite people into our home to share a meal and fellowship with us. I want to renovate our little house and decorate it. I want to know the names of our cashiers and to be a regular at our favorite sushi place. I want to invest in the lives of friends and family, to remind them that they are loved. Truth be told, I’m already living the life that I love. I’m already in the place God has me for the time being. And it is more than enough for me.
What about you, friend? Has comparison got you in its grasp, trying to convince you that what you have isn’t enough? Your little, ordinary life that you lead right now is very good. You are doing important work by showing up daily and exhibiting faithfulness in your regular interactions. If comparison is trying to convince you that you can’t be content in a situation that you used to pray for, maybe it’s time to take a second look. Maybe it’s time to realize that you are allowed to want smaller dreams, to love and be loved. And maybe it’s not smaller at all. Maybe it’s these foundational dreams that pave the way to a familiar, known, and impactful life.
