a challenge that changed my mindset
Last year I was speaking at a weekend camp and the director gave me a challenge: to pray with each female staff member who attended the camp that weekend. At first, I was hesitant. Challenges like this make me feel squeamish because a) I am not a fan of failure (who is? Let’s be real!), and b) I didn’t want the women I prayed with to feel like projects.
However, as some of you may know, I am trying to cultivate a new mindset. A mindset that welcomes failure as a learning opportunity. I’ve been collecting rejections and failures in a digital notebook so I can track my small wins and see visible proof that I’m learning.
So I accepted the challenge.
Here are 7 things I learned from this experience.
#1. God always shows up
I was kind of nervous for the aforementioned reasons, so to ease into the challenge, I asked a very close friend if I could pray for her. After her affirmative, I asked if there was anything specific she would like to pray for. She didn’t have any specific requests, only gratitude for the things God was already doing. Together we gave thanks for how God was working in her life and how He continued to show up and to show Himself faithful in even the little ordinary life stuff.
God always shows up when we pray. He is always listening, seeing, and walking alongside us. One Psalm reads, ‘The Lord is close to all who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth.’
God welcomes our prayers. Because of Christ, we have direct access to God. We have a God who hears us. We have a God who delights in our prayers. We have a God who is always with us, and who always shows up.
#2. You can create a space for people to feel safe and loved.
Being noticed, understood, and loved is one of the most profound experiences. I’ve been at events where I didn’t know anyone and no one knew me. It’s awkward. It makes me feel small. Unseen. Unimportant. But then someone notices me. Approaches me. Talks to me. It changes everything!
Gradually, I’ve come to realize that I, too, can create a space for people to be seen, known, and loved. I don’t have to wait to be approached - I can do the approaching. If I feel awkward and uncomfortable, chances are someone else does too.
By stepping out of your comfort zone to pray for people, you are essentially saying “I see you. I care about you and what you’re going through.” Even though it’s awkward. Even though it’s hard. Even though it requires vulnerability on your part.
You can be a noticer. You can love people and pray for them. You can!
#3. The encouragement from communal prayer is mutual.
When I first accepted the challenge, I thought that this was a challenge to become more others-focused. I thought that I would be encouraging the women I prayed for and that would be that.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Prayer does take the focus off of ourselves and our weaknesses and turns our eyes towards our Saviour. However, what I learned that weekend is that when I am right there alongside those I’m praying for, I am not only praying for them but with them.
We are together entering the throne room of God, a throne room of grace and mercy. We are together approaching God and communing with Him. We are no longer alone in our struggles or joys, but in community with God and others.
It connects us in a way that nothing else can. Communal prayer encourages us because we can hear how God is working in others. We can hear of the continued and varied goodness of God. And we can worship our God together.
#4. Follow-up is important.
Praying with someone is great, but following up is important. It shows that you care - really care - about someone. Earlier, I mentioned my fear of people feeling like projects or assignments. I learned that my attitude towards the people I was praying for said a lot more than even the act of praying for them.
If you decide to start praying with people simply to check a box on your “Christian duty list,” people are going to notice and feel like projects.
However, if you start praying with people because you genuinely care about them and you want to connect with God together, people are going to notice and feel loved.
When you ask someone if you can pray for them, take note. Keep the request in a prayer journal and return to your notes to keep praying for them even when they’re not around. Text or email them to follow up. Remind them that you’re praying for them. Remind them that you care because God cares. Ask for updates!
You’re not going to be able to follow up with absolutely everyone but do what you can. Do for one what you wish you could do for all, and after that? Leave it in God’s capable hands.
#5. It’s not about you.
I felt so uncomfortable praying with some of the women. I didn’t know them well, and often, sharing genuine prayer requests with strangers feels too vulnerable. Sometimes even praying in front of strangers feels uncomfortable.
By the same token, I have some friends I’ve known for a long time, and since we didn’t pray together when we were younger, it feels increasingly strange now. I was reluctant to pray with people for fear of seeming weird or fake.
A simple truth that is helping me overcome this reticence to pray with people I normally don’t is this: it’s not about me.
I don’t pray with my friends because I’m so great or because I can do anything about the things they’re facing. I pray with my friends because of the exact opposite! I can’t do anything about their struggles, pains, or grief. But together, we can take these difficult things to The One who can do something about it.
Knowing it’s not about me also frees me from feeling like I have to control the outcome of prayers. We boldly ask God for things or praise Him for things not because we see Him as a cosmic vending machine but because we believe He is good, we believe that He wants what is best for us, and we believe that He wants to communicate with us in prayer!
#6. The benefits outweigh the costs.
I’m not gonna lie - sometimes asking someone if you can pray for them is awkward (is that the 4th time I’ve used awkward in this article? Yikes!). It might not feel completely genuine when you start out. All of a sudden you’re asking friends you’ve never prayed with if you can pray with them and they’re confused and you’re uncomfortable and it’s just plain weird.
But if you want to be known as someone who prays for your friends, you have to start somewhere.
I know you’re scared. I know you’re uncomfortable. I know you feel overwhelmed.
But the benefits outweigh the cost.
The God you’re praying to doesn’t mind your stuttering prayers. The God you’re praying to doesn’t find those pauses where you’re searching for words to be awkward. The God you’re praying to is listening intently, lovingly, to every word you say. The God you’re praying to loves you and your friends like crazy and wants to connect with you through prayer. He is delighted to hear from you! He is delighted to hear your ordinary speech and your familiar voice.
God makes all of the discomfort worth it. He will show up every time.
#7. Prayer realigns our hearts to Jesus.
Some of the friends I prayed with had very hard things they were sorting through. Some of my friends cried with me as we raised tear-stricken voices to God together. Some of my friends smiled and nodded while together we praised God for the good things that were happening in their lives. But all of the friends I prayed with had hearts that were turned toward God, that recognized both a deep need for Him and a deep provision from Him.
The thing about prayer is that it serves as a reminder that we need Jesus. When we take things to God first we are admitting that we can’t figure things out on our own. We are admitting that we need a God who will step into our story and carry us. We are acknowledging that all of the good we experience is a gift from a good and loving Father.
This challenge, though simple, really changed my perspective on prayer. I realized that communal prayer is vital to my spiritual well-being. I realized that praying with others is mutually encouraging. I was reminded that I can create a space for others to share their stories safely.
So now I extend the challenge to you. Is there a friend you’ve been wanting to pray with? A family member? A spouse? A stranger? I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and simply ask can I pray for you?
You never know how God is going to show up, but you can be assured that He will.
